On the edge of a breakdown
I can’t deal. How did it even get to this point?
Once upon a time, I thought I was invincible. Or maybe not even invincible. But I thought I could bounce back from anything. It turns out I can’t.
You fight because because you either have something you want to win, or because you know you’ll win.
I didn’t know if I’d win or not, but I’d hoped that I would. I fought because I wanted to, because I felt like I had a reason to, because letting go and giving up were just the weaker options.
But it requires strength to give up too. I don’t fight anymore, because there’s nothing left to win. It’s just not worth it.
Ask me how I’m doing. Don’t ask other people. Because if I can’t even correctly explain it, how can anyone else?
Lies just build up. Eventually, you figure you’ll learn when to stop believing them.
But your heart and your brain, they’re tricky. You find yourself believing in all the wrong things, and sometimes even the right things. But I couldn’t differentiate right from wrong until it was too late.
I’m just tired. And I can’t trick myself into believing it’s getting better.